If you're a people-pleaser, don't ever do what this article is calling a "soft no." It's proposing this as a compromise between a "hard no" and a yes, but there's no benefit in being compromised here. The more practice you get with your "hard no," the better you'll get at it. Eventually you'll have to pull back because you're finding it too easy to say no. That's when you know you're cured.
A "soft no" given to an assertive person just means "I'm telling you what's keeping me from saying yes, if you solve it, it's a yes." You will get talked into saying "yes" every time you speak to a person with social skills, and your "soft no" will only stand with people who are shy or unassertive, regardless of the merit of the requests. It'll inevitably lead to getting used by the people who have the least consideration for other people's time, and who always push as a general policy.
Just say "no." You don't have to say it quickly; wait to hear the person's case if you need to, but at the point when you mean "no," say "no." If you honestly feel you need to be convinced, or you need solutions to obstructions that are keeping you from agreeing, just say so, but don't confuse that with a "no."
Yeah, that was the one weird bit to me. I definitely am one of these people and have only figured it out (somewhat) after 40 years. The soft No is the last thing you want to do. It's like playing cards (I hate to be so transactional about it) with yours on the table.
A "soft no" given to an assertive person just means "I'm telling you what's keeping me from saying yes, if you solve it, it's a yes." You will get talked into saying "yes" every time you speak to a person with social skills, and your "soft no" will only stand with people who are shy or unassertive, regardless of the merit of the requests. It'll inevitably lead to getting used by the people who have the least consideration for other people's time, and who always push as a general policy.
Just say "no." You don't have to say it quickly; wait to hear the person's case if you need to, but at the point when you mean "no," say "no." If you honestly feel you need to be convinced, or you need solutions to obstructions that are keeping you from agreeing, just say so, but don't confuse that with a "no."